DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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