): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
