dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
