She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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