I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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