We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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