Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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