chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
