I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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