even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
