My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
