You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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