so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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