I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
