I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
