It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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