And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
