I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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