worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
