what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
