I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
