Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize