Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
