sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
