don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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