yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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