Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
