Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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