Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wish my penis had a tongue
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
