i jhust puked up my retainher.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize