The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize