He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
