what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
