4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize