You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
