We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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