Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Randomize
