Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
