K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
