yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
