i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
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Do I have a choice?
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My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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