can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
