I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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