I'm pants shitting drunk right now
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
