Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
