My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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