i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
