She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
