I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
