i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize