Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
