WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
