BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
