By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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