I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
