Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
