you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
