return my video game
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
