I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
