I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
