You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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