i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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