his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
