Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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