I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
